Baggy, Rolled-Up Boyfriend Jeans Suck

Many things have occurred since my last blog entry about getting in a chick fight. Since then I've actually gotten in a real chick fight where punches were thrown (only by me) after a junkie tried to steal my wallet; I played at Adult Nationals to commemorate my volleyball mediocrity; my 6 Man squad (Team Rockstar) won it's 15th silver, and I got engaged.

Despite these so-called pivotal turning points in my life (well, not really pivotal...except for maybe the engagement), I'm choosing to use this entry to focus on how hideous this new fad in denim really is.

Baggy, rolled-up boyfriend jeans are the biggest catastrophe to ever abominate the fashion world. I don't even know if abominate is an actual word but it seems a fitting verb for this eyesore from the denim community.

I've seen regular girls on the street wear these jeans. I've seen celebrities in magazines wear them. And I'm being totally honest when I say that I haven't seen one of them look good in baggy, rolled-up boyfriends. In fact, every person I've seen brave them (and brave is and understatement for these pathetic self-proclaimed fashionistas), has been a soldier of mankind - a storm ranger through the couture wilderness.

No fashion-forward denim trooper ever really looks in the mirror while wearing baggy, rolled-up boyfriends and tells themself, "I look really dynamo today." You can't tell me that an overwhelming percentage of celebrities are on government disability aid for vision impairment. They all know how shitty these atrocijeans are. They have to.

So why do they subject themselves to a full day of scorn for jeans that look like the contents of a toilet bowl after one of those gnarley 2 week cleanses?

I'll tell you why: because some washed up moron LinkedIn describes as a fashion designer decided that every idea had been exhausted, and it was time to recycle an 80's trend that never became a trend because it was revolting, simply put. You know a style is bad when fashion criminals from a banished decade on the historical timeline of design decide they can't wear a trend before it even hit the stores.

So what the hell is wrong with people in 2009?

Clearly there is a pandemic spreading we do not know about. Some neurological disease that affects our judjment and causes many people to think aesthetically terrible-looking objects appear pleasant and flattering. Luckily some of us are immune. I, fortunately, being one of them.