I know it's typical. The Mormon chick from Utah is criticizing Muslim clerics. But bear with me, folks; this sh*t is so unbelievable, my 3-year-old niece wouldn't buy into it if this guy were an animated cartoon on Nickelodeon teaching children how to say "Ammonium Nitrate" in Farsi. Kazim Sadeghi claims that promiscuous women cause earthquakes - mainly a 2003 quake that took place in a place called Bam, Iran.
2003??!! Why the hell did it take you 7 years to finally come to the conclusion that major earth-shaking catastrophes should be attributed to slutty temptresses?? Was your lady caught adjusting another operative's linen tunic? Damn those vixens for showing their wrists when they reach up to trim the hairy danglers crawling out of your lengthy noses.
In light of this revelation, I'd like to say that "I, Carrie, am a giant floozy." Not only do I wear a bathing suit on the beach, but it's a two-piece. Dun-dun-dunnnn.
Like my dad says, 80% of this world is filled with people too stupid to deserve LIFE. Translation: 8 out of every 10 people you encounter should be systematically relocated to an idyllic private isle with a giant sign onshore reading, "Location Name Irrelevant," because it's going to be INCINERATED by nuclear force, simply put.
I really don't think that mass relocation and destruction would be a grim situation. In fact, I'm totally convinced it'd be cause for celebration; similar to the way I now view IRS audits.
Upon telling acquaintances I was "summoned" for an Internal Revenue Service RECKONING, the most general reaction was an agonizing, "ohhhh no, that suuuuuuucks," as if the great William Shattner had just passed on from this temporal world (or something equally catastrophic).
As it turns out, all you have to do is show up to the boring Great and Spacious Building nearest you (Mormon joke - sincere apologies), with the documentation asked of you, and you in turn exit the massive structure either 1) owed money by the government, or 2) financially the exact same as you were when you first walked in expecting your auditor to look like the Mother Alien with a 2nd deadly mouth poised and ready to swallow your proof-positive paperwork substantiating that you're a contributing member of society and not a Jon Gosselin wannabe with less money and more beer gut (if that's possible).
Turns out my auditor was a cherub-faced soon-to-be mother of two who looked like she'd just had tea with sweet forest animals gifted with human speech in a heavenly floral garden setting.
So why do I recommend an IRS audit if there's a chance I could walk away without a refund? The answer is simple. Big government sucks, and any chance you get to flip the proverbial bird to The Man should be thoroughly enjoyed; even if your auditor looks like one of Strawberry Shortcake's rosy-cheeked friends.
Vindicated. I felt how I suspect Susan B. Anthony did in the '72 election (that would be 1872 you idiot) when she did the unthinkable.....she VOTED like the the man-eating lesbian she probably was. Luckily, me proving the U.S. Government wrong wasn't illegal like women voting was back then......and even luckier still?
I don't look like Susan B. Anthony.
Please see her mug at this link (because I'm struggling with embedding this URL for some reason): http://stories.washingtonhistory.org/suffrage/images/anthonyPortrait.jpg
GOO. Clearly that broad was not a bikini-clad, earth-quake initiating floozy.
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